When Drinking Games Turn Bad

We’ve all been there. Pre drinks are going well, and you’re feeling pretty optimistic about your night out. You haven’t flashed your arse or chundered on your lap yet, and no one is showing signs that they will be acting as a liability; so far so good. And then some nutter suggests you all play a drinking game. Although yes, drinking games are a brilliant way to get suitably smashed and thus not waste money on drinks when out, no one thinks of the consequences of sharing their lives with a bunch of strangers or agreeing to do terrible challenges that can result in immediate projectile vomiting. Here are a couple of the worst drinking games which I have had the misfortune of partaking in recently...

‘I’ve Never’

Okay, yes, sometimes this game can be thrilling. There is no feeling quite like the pure joy each and every player feels when they discover that the quietly adorable and seemingly harmless nerdy girl from their seminar is in fact a mad kinky sex fiend. But revealing your sexual exploits (and, let’s face it, that is what this game is truly about) to a random group of drunkards at pre drinks may not make you seem as smooth as you think you are. In this game, it’s always the same: the sluts get drunk, and everyone else feels awkward. And drinking at every turn doesn’t make you cool or alluring; instead, listing all the woodland locations that you’ve shagged in may lead your peers to believe (and perhaps rightly) that you have had many a fungal infection in your nether regions. And don’t doubt that, if revealing your sexual conquests, next time you play ‘I’ve Never’, one of these people will remember and aim their turn directly at you, embarrassing you in front of the next group of friends you happen to be drinking with. So be aware that sharing too much specific personal information may end tragically when someone takes their turn by staring pointedly at you, smirking, and proudly yelling ‘I’ve never been butt-fingered against a bin outside McDonalds when I was fifteen by my mono-browed neighbour whose name was Hamish’.

‘Truth or Dare’

Maybe it’s just my weird housemates and I that have decided to bring this game back with a bang (not literally, that’s incest), but ‘Truth or Dare’ can certainly not end prettily if taken to the extremes. It’s also not really a drinking game, but more for giggling thirteen year olds in the school playground. However, we drunkenly decided to give this game a go, having tired of the endless stream of sexual confessions which constitutes ‘I’ve Never’. What followed was: a text to a long distance girlfriend simply claiming ‘Horny.’, a discussion of the sizes of various penises, a  kiss between two heterosexual men (one of whom had innocently just arrived at the pre, and was not consenting at all...sorry Morgan), a snort of a line of basil, a shot of the hottest chilli vodka (aftertaste lasting approximately 15 minutes), and a consumption of a scary squeezy cheesy substance called Primula that we got free at the uni about two months ago. Although with close friends none of these antics were too emotionally damaging (although I'm pretty certain that a few of my taste buds were burnt off by the vodka), playing ‘Truth or Dare’ among strangers could without a doubt end in some kind of basil-fuelled catastrophe if and when someone takes things a step too far.

So I think it’s safe to say that, although I don’t regret my involvement in these games in the last week of university, I am glad to be taking a break from all the trauma of pre drinks, both mentally, from the images of my housemates in various sexual scenarios, and physically, as I am secure in the knowledge that my parents will not force me to down some questionable squeezy cheese at Christmas dinner.